can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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