i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He uses pillows to masturbate.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
