How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
