this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
