Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
