Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
