Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
this beer tastes like vomit already
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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