i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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