Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
