ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
