Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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