yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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