i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize