When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
