I have demons in me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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