so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
