Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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