I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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