Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
