Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
