then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
