Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
