You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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