are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
