I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
