I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
