he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
