Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
