please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
