Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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