I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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