i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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