Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
