His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
