I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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