he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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