it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
