I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
