the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
