Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
