ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize