I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
