I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
