I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
