and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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