I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize