Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
