could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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