i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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