you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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