dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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