Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
