So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
