I'm drive I can fine osifer
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
