I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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