her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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