Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
