my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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