YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
