i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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