I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize