im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
