Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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