I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
