did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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