worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
