We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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