$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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