She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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