Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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