WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
