everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
