Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Watching her eat just hurts me
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
