I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
