dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
