Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
