"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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