There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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