you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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