Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize