Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
