I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
