You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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