why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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