2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
