And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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