Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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