Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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