There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You are a genius and a whore.
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