Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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