U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize