you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
