Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
