At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
