I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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