ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
