bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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