honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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