Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize