we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
