My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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