Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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