Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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