She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
