Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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