Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
