I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
