pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He has the fingertips of a God
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