Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
