And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
