Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
