I smell stomach acid.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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