how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
