My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
