I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
