Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
