My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
