I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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