i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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