you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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