Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think my vagina is haunted
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
