So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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